Tag Archives: love

On Motherhood

9087497-mother-and-two-kids-silhouettes-on-beach-at-sunset

What do you wish someone had told you before you had kids?

All the planning in the world cannot prepare you for becoming a mother. Even if you received too much advice from other moms while you were pregnant, you only realize this fact after you give birth—not a moment prior.

You will take pictures and videos—lots of them. From hearing the whoosh, whoosh, whoosh of your baby’s heartbeat to grasping ultrasound pics in hand to your husband’s photo capture of you with a tear streamed face holding your precious baby in your arms for the first time to waving good-bye at the bus stop while your stomach lurches to your daughter going to her first middle school dance to talking about the birds and bees to waking up one day and your son is grown-up, you will capture every important moment with a snapshot and/or video clip—and then some.

Real parenting is not your friends’ Facebook shares. Facebook is not the real world. Seeing highlights of your friends’ exaggerated posts, whether it’s viewing pictures of their little ones who are reading novels by the age of 3, potty trained by age 2 using the M&M’s method (it does work sometimes), or playing concertos at age 4, isn’t necessarily reality—even though the photos may be cute. Reality is:  little ones will become preteens, next teens, and then they will go off to live their own lives. Your heart may feel like breaking but you will be proud—so proud. Welcome to the real world and celebrate every moment.

You will always be a mother. This reality will never change no matter how large your son’s shoes are or how your daughter towers over you in heels or if your kids become chefs, police officers, teachers, or parents themselves or if they adorn their bodies with tattoos or piercings or if they grow their hair out and join rock bands—whatever. After the umbilical cord is cut, you are forever mom. If you are lucky, you will become grandmom at some point. Love will never be in short supply.

You won’t ever be the same—never ever. From the moment you find out that you are carrying a life inside you, the ground will careen under you, you may see stars, and you will free fall into a love that no life alert call could rescue you from. You wouldn’t want to be rescued. You fall hard and thank God every day for it.

You are a mother. Imperfect at best yet filled with love so consuming that its presence is like breathing. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

To my mom, I know now–and I appreciate everything you are to me. You are the best. To my beautiful children, you will always be mine. I adore you.

~Pamela

Growing

HoldingHands_280px

Where did the time go?

From feet
little that pitter
patted to shoes that
gape and click.

From wake-ups
and monsters to scare to
looking up for hugs
bent down.

Where did the time go?

From loving huge
and huger still
cords fraying and
knowing well of the
hopes and dreams
ballooning.

Where did the time go?

Life’s shorter and heart’s
bigger to hold memories
warm from the sunshine
of your smiles

~Pamela

Words

eu.fotolia.com

You can say anything you want, yessir, but it’s the words that sing, they soar and descend . . . I bow to them . . . I love them, I cling to them, I run them down, I bite into them, I melt them down . . . I love words so much . . . The unexpected ones . . . The ones I wait for greedily or stalk until, suddenly, they drop . . . Vowels I love . . . They glitter like colored stones, they leap like silver fish, they are foam, thread, metal, dew . . . I run after certain words . . . They are so beautiful that I want to fit them all into my poem . . . I catch them in midflight, as they buzz past, I trap them, clean them, peel them, I set myself in front of the dish, they have a crystalline texture to me, vibrant, ivory, vegetable, oily, like fruit, like algae, like agates, like olives . . . And I stir them, I shake them, I drink them, I gulp them down, I mash them, I garnish them, I let them go . . . I leave them in my poem like stalactites, like slivers of polished wood, like coals, pickings from a shipwreck, gifts from the waves . . . Everything exists in the word . . .From Memoirs by Pablo Neruda (NY: Penguin, 1974), p. 53.

All In

Google Image

she was all
in no cheating
no folding
she had to play
her hand win
or lose life was a
series of five cards
kings and deuces
she refused to quit
because there was
no repeat royal
flushes or full
houses she picked
up her cards and
waited for the flop
she was all
in no cheating
no folding

© Pamela Rossow

Orion in Your Eyes


You came with Orion in
your eyes, sweeping me
into a brightly lit nebula.
My tears sprinkled among
your atmosphere, birthing
stars.

You came with warm breath,
exhaling oxidants. I, as fuel,
inhaled you, flaring heat and a
chain of exothermic reactions
CH4 + 2 O2 → CO2 + 2 H2O
+ energy.

You came with passion in
your lips, lingering, causing my skin to smolder while exciting electrons in a pure white frenzy of
eros.

~Pamela Rossow

 

Source


Google Photograph

washing over me
and flooding my being a
welcomed liquid embrace
a cocoon enveloping my
eyes nose ears a blurring of
senses floating me crosscurrent
from the estuary to that spot of
freckled sunlight glinting off
limpid waters where leafy canopies
in mirrored reflections tease rippling
the place where You I first sprung

© Pamela Rossow

La famiglia è la patria del cuore

photo by dreamstime

Last night, I heard an often repeated Italian expression that, because of recent circumstances, means even more to me than it did four days ago. La famiglia è la patria del cuore or your family is the homeland of your heart. 

We, Americans, are familiar with the expression home is where the heart is. Basically, the same sentiment. No matter where we go or how many miles (or emotions) separate us or how long we are away or whether we nag, smile, bicker, or hug, la famiglia è la patria del cuore. Simple. 

I know how lucky I am to be a thread in this handcrafted fabric.  I am grateful beyond words that I have a dad and mom who have always loved me, protected me, wanted the best for me. That I have a brother who, no matter how little time we get to spend alone together, will always be my best friend. That, even when my children and I are apart, their hearts are safe within my heart. La famiglia è la patria del cuore. 

It’s how my ancestors lived, breathed, prayed, loved, ate, drank, slept. It’s the fundamental stitches my grandparents sewed that now entwine my heart with each of my family members’ hearts. La famiglia è la patria del cuore. It’s the sometimes imperfect loops that still include everything and everyone I am tied to. It’s my roots, my core, my center. La famiglia è la patria del cuore.

glittering soot on her eyelashes

I’m excited to introduce a blogger friend whose poetry I have admired for some time.  She agreed to guest post and share an original poem from her collection.  She is an talented artist who weaves beautiful imagery and creativity into her poetry.  She writes about relationships, nature,  love, lost loves, and the bottom line?  She moves me!  Check out her site at glittering soot on her eyelashes and show her some love!

 

 

 

 

 

 

i flow in gold rivulets
alike a slowly setting sun,
skin tingling, lost in blistering air
of the never tomorrows and never agains.
we gulp it down,
unwillingly,
laughing,
saline waters still trapped in alveoli
aftertaste of sea spray on the lips
and
i remember all that you were
and all that you weren’t.

 

 © glittering soot on her eyelashes

 

we never really lose lost loves.
the moral of the story? cut the thread you torture yourself with every once and again or sleep soundly knowing you managed to love again.


The “c” Word

So many people use it every day. It’s one of the most hated words (probably THE most despised word). Yet, we hear it over and over again.

It’s not until it’s used to describe what’s happening to OUR friends, OUR grandparents, OUR selves, OUR moms, OUR brothers, OUR sisters, OUR children, OUR dads, OUR aunts, OUR uncles, OUR loved ones that the word slams us face down onto the asphalt and tries to drag us backwards. But to positive test results, we say, “sCrew you!”

Those of us who either receive The Call or hear about The Call (later when our loved ones tell us about it) encounter the initial effects of “c.” During those moments, “c” seems to have us pinned. We cry. We rant. We get pissed off. We crumple.

Then, we maneuver out of its grip. We stand up. Put on the gloves. Step into the centers of the rings. We don’t wait for the first punches. We throw them. We fight, hard. We love, fiercely. We feel, deeply. We live with awareness. Thankfully, there’s no “c” in H-O-P-E. Just a whole lot of positive energy and prayers.

(Dad got The Call today)

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
(a poem by E. E. Cummings for you both, I love you)
 
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                      i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
 

The Unknown

Dear Friends,

Today is it. The unknown stretches out like a blank canvas awaiting an artist’s brush. Our waiting will  probably entail more waiting . . . for test results.

Even though this anticipation has been lurking in the shadows for the last month, we had a great time celebrating life, independence, and personal freedom yesterday.

Positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated as we move closer to knowledge and, hopefully,a  negative biopsy for dad.

Here’s to great U.S. doctors, amazing medical technology, and all of the things and people we take for granted (sometimes)! May we be reminded of wonderful people in our lives and strive to tell them daily, through our words and actions, how much they mean to us.

Love,
Pamela

Dear Daughter

Years ago, you made your entrance as my tiny princess sitting Indian style.  I prayed I would have a baby girl to love.  I was granted my wish.  It nearly killed me I could not hold you immediately upon seeing your little face but your dad held you near to me so I could gaze upon you (making sure you were swaddled and safe).  As soon as the doctors allowed me to cradle you, into my arms you went.  I can’t believe how fast the years have passed since that first meeting.  I loved you before you were born and knew that I was given a gift straight from heaven.  While it is difficult not being with you to celebrate your birthday (today), please know I am thinking about and loving you right where you are. When we are together, I am astounded that I must glance upwards to look into your eyes.  I see a tall, hard-working, intelligent, young woman who has dreams and goes after them.  You will achieve your goals because you are tenacious (even when life is rough).  You are beautiful inside and out and I am proud to call you my daughter.  No one could ever replace you!  I love you up to heaven and back.  Happy birthday, honey!

Love,

Mom

Monday Memories

Nearly all my best, childhood memories include my family. Sun soaked, water logged days spent swimming in Non and Pop’s pool with my bro, mom, and dad, inhaling the Intercoastal with its pungent, sulphur smell that smacked my sinuses, stalking the brown water, dockside, hoping to see a silver eel streak by.

Memories that also involve the Atlantic Ocean which was just a short walk across A1A from their condo, the mysterious body of water that housed millions of varieties of life.  Whose beaches I lay upon under moonlight, motionless, transfixed, watching as the dark, shadowy sea turtles came ashore to dig nests and lay their eggs. The buoyant salty waves that lapped at my soul. Tides which pulled life’s negativity, ugliness, harshness out to sea till they became little specks on the horizon.  

Just some of the magical powers of memory–like a small town revival with its hallelujahs and deception entangled under one tent.  Fortunately for me (and something most kids take for granted), Ionly experienced the Messiahs during childhood–the joys and carefree days which blurred into years that formed me like wet sand in the hands of a master sculptor. 

My being, my core, my inner child is grainy, sun streaked, and dampened by salt spray. My remembrances which I keep dusted and lovingly displayed in my heart are happy and messy. They leave sandy footprints behind as they traipse through the years to find me where I am now. They slip into my dreams and cover me in beach sunflowers. They resurrect my beloved Nonnie and Pop-Pop whose wrinkled hands stroke my sun bleached hair, whose dark, Italian eyes speak love, whose lips utter “mangia” and “I love you.”

My memories are my buried treasure, coin upon golden coin, hidden from the surface, yet, shallow enough to dive for whenever life becomes overwhelming or hateful or unforgiving. They are my secret to survival. They are. . .and I am.

 

 

 

RED

 

drums pounds
thrums chest
palpitates passion
life’s downbeat
and syncopates
impulsive
       fibrillation        

© Pamela Rossow

 

To Mom with Love

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
~Maya Angelou
 
Mom,
You have shown me by your words, love, and life that we only become butterflies when we have spent time patiently waiting to emerge from the chrysallis.  Then our wings must straighten and dry.  They are delicate and can tear easily, yet, strong enough for flight.  I love you more than words.
Love,
Pamela
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                            

    

                      

                                                         

                                                                

                                                   

                                                                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                       

                                                                

            

                                                         

                               

Bradbury’s Brainy Bites

Work is done for the day so time to ponder.  I was thinking about Ray Bradbury tonight.  He’s the author of two of my favorite texts: Fahrenheit 451 and Dandelion Wine.  He has penned so many inspiring words I have trouble choosing only some quotes (a few are taped to the shelf above my desk).  Long story shorter (I can never guarantee short), here’s a few of my faves:

“We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” ~Bradbury

“He glanced back at the wall. How like a mirror, too, her face. Impossible; for how many people did you know who reflected your own light to you? People were more often–he searched for a simile, found one in his work–torches, blazing away until they whiffed out. How rarely did other people’s faces take of you and throw back to you your own expression, your own innermost trembling thought?” ~ Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451)

“We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.” ~ Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451)

“You’ll find out it’s little savors and little things that count more than big ones. A walk on a spring morning is better than an eighty-mile ride in a hopped-up car, you know why? Because it’s full of flavors, full of a lot of things growing. You’ve time to seek and find.”~Bradbury (Dandelion Wine)

“Are you happy?” she [Clarisse] said. “Am I what?” he [Montag] cried. But she was gone- running in the moonlight. Her front door shut gently.” ~ Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451)

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there. It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away. “ ~ Bradbury

“If we listened to our intellect we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go in business because we’d be cynical: “It’s gonna go wrong.” Or “She’s going to hurt me.” Or,”I’ve had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore . . .” Well, that’s nonsense. You’re going to miss life. You’ve got to jump off the cliff all the time and build your wings on the way down.” ~Bradbury
 “You’re either in love with what you do, or you’re not in love.” ~Bradbury 
“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” ~Bradbury

Friday Moment

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. Photos – no words – capturing moments from the week. Simple, special, extraordinary moments. Moments you want to pause, savour and remember. “This Moment” is a ritual found on  Life inspired by the Wee Man which I then kidnapped from Almost there by Sarah-Jane.

Hidden Treasure

I’m a “quotes” person.  I love quotes from people who have climbed rungs of the highest ladders, who have tripped and fallen face down in grime, who have cleansed themselves by splashing about in rain puddles, who have soared on the wings of ecstasy, who have teetered on rocky precipices, who have cradled a little person close to them and inhaled that baby’s sweetness, who have scratched art into existence, who have loved, hated, accomplished, failed, thrown in the towel, swam with rip tides until they broke free. . .who have LIVED. 

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it?

The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within, not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.”
~Stephen King (Different Seasons)

Pitch

staccato notes swirl
round two hiding
between bar lines
attempting a grand
staff she a trembling
treble he a bold bass
together no rests just
a half note plus a half note
trying to make a whole

© Pamela Rossow

Son, I love You

I gave birth, years ago, to a baby boy.  A child who, when I was pregnant with him, had his nights and days mixed up (especially during my last trimester) and one of the only ways he was lulled to sleep was by my movements, specifically vacuuming (yes, I had very clean floors). Who, when I was pregnant, caused me to crave espresso, Jelly Bellies for breakfast and tangerines late at night.  Who told me, with little kicks, that sleeping on my left side was unacceptable.  I must sleep on my back ever so slightly shifted to the right (I was and still am a side sleeper).  So much time has passed since those first years of sweetness (and sleeplessness) yet, if I allow myself to be swept along with my muses, I sometimes end up with snippets of my past carefully cut out with blunt edge scissors (like the way my children used to create their handmade paper valentines or snowflakes).  My past, filled with children, innocence, laughing, crying, healing, loving, draws me in and permits me little glances backwards, a déjà vu of sorts.  A tiny window framed by whitewashed memory, no glass, which I may peer through and view this other world (just for moments at a time). I am amazed, perplexed, astounded when I think about the day I met my son and held him in my arms.  I feel as if I have bitten into a lemon, halved and dipped in sugar, when I acknowledge how many circles those minute hands have traveled since the early days.  My life was altered that morning.  In the birthing experience, there was an imperceptible shift in my core, my soul, my breath.  Life was not ever to appear static again.  There was no grabbing the clock’s hands and halting them.  The button was hit and life began to fast forward.

Dear Son,

When you were born, I loved like I had not loved.  I experienced life in a new, beautiful way that was hidden from me prior.  You changed my life in such a manner that I questioned whether I had ever known love before.  You were, and are, my son.  I am grateful to call you this today.  Happy birthday my man-boy!

With much love,

Mom

Percolator

 

 

 

 

I percolate

bubbling

up over

out for

you.

~Pamela Rossow

Monday Memory

Everyone has a memorable picture that brings a smile to their face.   Monday Memory occurs the last Monday of each month and allows us to share that favorite photo and story.   If you choose to participate this month, please remember to drop your link in the comments section of each Memory you visit, so that we may come and visit your site.  This idea was hijacked from my friend, Mary!

My story is cute, funny, and brief.  My dad has always been the treasured “Granpy.”  Part of his obtaining  this status involved many introductory rites (such as the event pictured below).   My parents have been actively engaged with my children since I gave birth.  They have helped out and loved watching their grandchildren grow.  Dad came over to stay with my children while I went to the store and when I came home that is what I found.  Biker Granpy tattooed with Crayola washable markers!  While this was the first (and only) time Granpy was “decorated,”  I could not stop laughing!  Soon after this picture, I almost lost my dad to a heart attack (thank God I didn’t).  I’m not sure what we’d do without him.  He’s irreplaceable!  When I see this picture, I remember good times!  My children were also known to “style” dad’s hair (wonder where they got that from?) gel and hairspray included!  Lucky Granpy!  My kids are grown now and those fun days of young childhood are gone. . .time the ever selfish bandit continues to hoard precious hours, seconds, minutes.  I, however, was so grateful to snatch some of those passed moments from time’s clutches and enjoy them today! Love you dad!  xo

 


Loving Legacy

sometimes tucked
arms entwined hers
looped through his
crook a lady and
gentleman sauntered

other moments
gentle hands held
her right his left a
living bridge built
spanning 64 years

once in a while her
shoulder brushed his
while they traipsed
side by side a secure
distance between them

always for richer or
poorer in good times or
bad sickness or health
loved and cherished not
even in death did they part

~Pamela



The Brownings

Okay, I know love letter fest is technically over.  HOWEVER, I could not resist posting two, short letters exchanged between one of the most romantic, literary couples  (Robert and Elizabeth Browning) ever  (in my book THE most romantic, literary couple).  Of course, Elizabeth wrote my favorite poetry collection, Sonnets from the Portuguese, for her husband Robert Browning and I believe them to be the most beautiful poems (especially numbers I, XIV, XX, and the best, XLIII).  So enjoy and keep that passion alive every day, not just on Valentine’s Day!!!!

To Elizabeth Barrett Browning:                                                       

…would I,  if I could,  supplant one of any of the affections that I know to have taken root in you – that great and solemn one, for instance.
I feel that if I could get myself remade,  as if turned to gold,
I WOULD not even then desire to become more than the mere setting to that diamond you must always wear.

The regard and esteem you now give me,  in this letter,  and which I press to my heart and bow my head upon,  is all I can take and all too embarrassing,  using all my gratitude.

– Robert Browning
(1812-1889)


To Robert Browning:

And now listen to me in turn.
You have touched me more profoundly than I thought even you could have touched me – my heart was full when you came here today.
Henceforward I am yours for everything.

– Elizabeth Barrett Browning
(1806-1861)

Love Letter Fest

Friends, welcome to my Valentine’s Event. A “Dear ?” love letter which you have written (whether sweet, sarcastic, or saucy) and will post your links below in the comment section so we all can have grieve, giggle, or gasp!  I will admit. When this idea jumped into my brain, I wasn’t daunted.  HOWEVER, as I sit here about to type my own letter, I’m overwhelmed, a tad bit intimidated, and wondering what on earth I was thinking when I started this.  Those of you who know me well are aware of my stubborn perseverance.  Hence, onward.  Enjoy and happy Valentine’s Day.  Not the commercialized hype but the everyday love we hold in our hearts.


Dear _______,

Many of you have directly or indirectly shaped me into the woman I am today.  I wouldn’t be Pamela without you.  Some of you have taken my heart down spiraling staircases into dank, dark basements where I suffered pain, wrenching hurt, abandonment.

A couple of you have led me through enchanted forests where rainbows arched overhead, the grass was soft, the castle walls had crumbled, and we loved as first loves.

Still others have taught me the foundation of love, how love isn’t based on emotions, how it demands action, requires being able to mouth or write two words (I’m sorry), and mean them.  That anger doesn’t necessarily reflect lack of love, although, at times, it may indicate lack of “like” (or sheer frustration).

Another has shown me that no matter how much I get angry, or question, or cry, or vent, He will remain faithful and, even more amazing, love me despite me.

All of the individuals who do not hesitate to pick up the phone to let me know they care, reach out with a card or letter, laugh with me, scream with me, or who hold me when I cry across the miles in a tight, virtual embrace.

Then there are the up close and personals who cling to me, climb me as if I am a tree, and hold on with little arms tightly clasped around my neck.  There are older ones who reach out when I least expect them to, grab my hands, sit close to me on the sofa, or hug me unexpectedly in passing.

There are those of you who have touched me so deeply that even though we are separated by this seemingly vast expanse of the other world you continue to move me, fill me, motivate me, cheer me on, and you are alive to me in my dreams, my memory, my soul.

There might be a person out there on this planet who could, through honest eyes, stir up flames in me once more.  Who, through sincerity, persistence, humor, character, empathy, gentleness, and time, has the capability to evoke in me passions which have yet to be completely drawn out.  He may exist. . .

In the meantime, I love and am so loved.  For all you, hole fillers, and you, hole makers, I thank-you.  It’s been real, raw, and, at times, raucous.  Even though, some days I harbor a few, wee regrets, I wouldn’t change any of it.  I have learned and will continue to learn.  My heart’s love journey (I hope) has, like my parent’s wedding song, “only just begun.”

All my love,

Pamela 

Love

I am not posting this song because it was my wedding song.  I am posting it for two special people in my life.

Special people,  you must know that this kind of love is the only kind that will not fail you.  It is the best way I can love you, the right way to love you, the most sincere way to love you.  This love I’m referring to doesn’t remain seated warming the chair. This love doesn’t shuffle its feet and walk slowly away from all that it right and honest.  This love isn’t a foot rest that exists for you to kick your feet up and chill on.  When smacked down, however, it gets up over and over  and over again.  It is true, faithful, and unconditional.  It is the best part of me I can offer you.   Do not bring in the concrete mixer and begin pouring and pouring until the walls are so high, the light is so remote, that you get scratched and bruised and cut trying to claw your way out.  Keep your hearts and minds open to the love that you knew and believed in.

 

This Friday Moment(s)

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. Photos – no words – capturing  moments from my week. Simple, special extraordinary moments ( I know, I know.  I’m a rebel.  Couldn’t pick just one this week!  Too many beautiful children in my life!)

 

 

Moments I want to pause, savor, remember.

This moment is a ritual I found on life inspired by the Wee Man adopted from SouleMama and shared by Sarah – Jane.

Check out their blogs…. They are very interesting and inspirational to read, and if you are moved too, please leave a link to your Moments in the comment box below :-)

To Wear Rainbows Again

She longed to be
clothed in rainbows –
stained in perfect
hues of red, orange,
purple, yellow, indigo,
green, and violet.

Soaked in dripping shades of
fulfilled promises and
unwavering trust.

She yearned to be
drenched in joy –
illuminated in the perfect
light of glass mosaics.

Emerald, amber, violet,
Egyptian blue, ruby, and glowing
in incense colors of
answered prayers and
unshakeable faith.

She needed to be
held in love –
clasped in perfect
arms of the one with
fire, water, wind.

Soothed in the
embrace of
eternal solace and
rekindled hope.

© Pamela Rossow

Monday Memory

A Monday Memory inspired by Mary .  Share your memory in the comment section below!

A day in the rain when my children were little. Bittersweet memories I will never forget and hold deep within the recesses of my heart.

Mirror Mirror

Well, it’s Monday and sad to say no humorous blurbs to post (at least not yet).  Too much time apart from my niece and nephew and my big kids. . . grown ups just don’t bring it like the children do!!!! So, this is more of a reflection blog.  My best friend and I were talking till late last night about many things (sorry mom and dad for hogging the phone).  We ended up able to rant, laugh, cry, and get serious all in one conversation (isn’t that what best friends are about? you can completely be yourself and you’re not nuts)? Towards the end of the conversation, something struck me that was pretty profound.   We started our adult, married lives back when (before we met) in completely different places, yet, through the years, traveled similar roads to where we each are now. Today, we are in comparable spaces in many aspects. Each of us wanting to be loved, to keep our families intact despite extenuating circumstances, to be secretly rescued without having to compromise values like honesty, communication, and self-awareness (although, we know our knights most likely won’t be individuals in gleaming armor who guide their horses over hurdles, deftly climb turrets, and profess poems of endearment).

Despite the similarities, we are often in opposite mind sets (and places, she’s married, I’m divorced).  During these times of differences, we realize that we are mirrors to one other.  Depending on who is gazing into the mirror and who is being gazed upon by the reflection, we end up like yin and yang (for lack of a better metaphor).  Our life experiences, dreams, hopes, darkness, failures, defeats, injustices, joys, sweetness bring us to these places where we can look at each other and see (cataract free) from the viewpoint of the other.  This constant viewing of life through the lens of friendship (and the other’s situation) helps us to more clearly define who we want to become as individuals.  To be strong women.  To have hope.  To be self-aware.  To not be so jaded that our hearts become hardened to truth and love.  To know that our journeys are really just beginning (even though we often feel like we’re smack in the midst of them).  To know that we are granted this gift of one another and, through each other, we can support ourselves, our intellects, our emotions.  To recognize that we are part of a larger, global community.  To know that we can make differences in our own lives, each other’s lives, and touch other people as well.  This friendship, micro extending macro, can impact other people for the better.  We’re learning what must be learned and, at some point, we will become teachers of positive change.  Wow, I can end this here on a sociological note (since we both share the same degrees too), it’s late, and I’m not sure I’m presenting this observation too clearly.  Good night friends (or good day)!

P.S. youtube’s copyright issues are more than annoying. . .nearly every good video is being pulled b/c of infringement!  Grrr!


Gray Mist

This morning was a foggy one.  Not too common for South Florida.  I still get caught up in the emotions of the mist just as I did when I was a child.  I used to be enthralled with the ghostly weather and would scurry to a quiet place to create, pencil in hand, scratching a mysterious story into existence.  As an adult, I still feel a connection with that young girl.  Only now, in addition to the dash to my quiet place, I acknowledge the uncanny sensation of ties to those who passed.  Who are now caught in a misty limbo of sorts, misconceived as haunters, who are the ones haunted.  I can relate to their restlessness, their shadows.  Memories, donned in disguise, creep in and stir up latent emotions that persist under the conscious radar.  I am left, like a viewer seated on a cold, padded folding chair, in a darkened room.  An old projector flashes images in black and white on the bare wall in front of me:  wet children in soggy socks smiling, laughing their way down a slip and slide,  mockingbirds shrilly calling, waiting, fluttering to land in my cupped palms, greedily gobbling crimson cranberries, a butterfly garden bathed in moonlight, the intoxicating, overwhelming perfume of  night- blooming jasmine, being cradled, feeling safe, protected for the first time in more than a decade, by someone who was my home, although I had been displaced,  whose frame wasn’t four walls and a roof, rather a soul enveloping embrace. The fog has lifted, somewhat, but the pregnant, gray clouds overtly hint at imminent, cleansing precipitation. . .

折り紙

delicate paper not cuts
glue or tears simply folds
tucks creases an adorer’s
fingers shaping fragile
symbols of  devotion

Pamela  Rossow


Dear Jess

This blog post is dedicated to my best friend, my kindred spirit. She is talented, beautiful, humble (too humble), patient, faithful, dedicated, loyal and incredibly intelligent (just to name a few). She’s been there, here and everywhere for me the last so many years, and I can’t imagine my life without her in it.

Who knows what 2011 holds? I’m sure there’s some great stuff waiting to happen. We just don’t know when or how or who or what. But, as long as she’s in it, I’m good (even when I’m feeling bad), I’m okay (even when the floor falls out underneath me), I’m alright (even when all hell breaks loose).

Friend, we’ll step forward one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, and, sometimes, one second at a time (and we’ll do it with love in our hearts).

Mary Read

she was of plain constitution
plainness masked by strength
and determination bold blunt
as a bloodied two-edged sword
overused in battle conduct
steered by virtue but stained by
the dishonor of her chosen
profession she sailed calm
turquoise waters other times
fought black-blue waves
unstoppable on a quest
her principles would not let
her abandon her treasure pulse
core she strove to find what
was estranged from her
only weakness was her
susceptibility to violent
affection she reasoned her life of
danger on the high seas
was akin to melting emotion
she carried on scanning the
windswept waves for that
object she must steal back

© Pamela A. Rossow


High Voltage

you me an original
GFI less Vidal Sassoon
plunged into a filled claw
foot tub hot wires no tripped
circuits just voltaic juiced
electricity intensity
measured in amperes
possible lethal malfunctions
yet chances taken because
resistors fail when up
against passionate inductors

Pamela A. Rossow

Monsoon

winds reversed
affected by seasons
I’m blown along
the all too familiar
precipitation and
pounding deluges
punctuated by
scorching desert
dryness
sea breezes?
hell no yes to
intense turbulence
drought once
more I’m seared
parched and thirsty

© Pamela A. Rossow

Parental Love Musings

Yesterday was my Christmas with my children.  They returned after being gone for a couple of weeks and I was grateful. I looked at them in wonder… I gave birth to these two, beautiful, young adults? It’s hard to believe. Seems like so long ago.

No matter how much time keeps those big and little hands moving or how often we are together or apart, when it comes down to it, nothing really changes. We’re a family. Families, despite sabotage attempts or psychological warfare, survive because you can’t kill love.

Some people try to. They mask their insecurities and fears through talking smack about others, lying, trying to buy others’ affections. These people believe, in their alternate realities, that love can be smothered, traded, stabbed, shot, bought. What they don’t realize is that love is eternal, infinite, impenetrable. Love is and always will be.

So, these militant, bitter individuals can keep at it.. stockpiling their arsenals, detonating bombs, attempting through charm to deceive. Some of these people receive wake-up calls and ignore the flashing, red lights and ear shattering buzzers.

To these individuals, I say, love isn’t going anywhere, any time soon. Might as well open your hearts to it.  Let it fill those holes that need plugging. Maybe, in the process, you might uncover joy. Then, there will be no going back to the darkness, the bitterness, the hate.

Unconditional love sandwiched between respect and compassion make for some fantastic soul food.  My kids receive this. From me. Have since they were babies.

While, at times, they might not like me because I don’t give in to their every whim, tough. Those of us who had involved, caring parents growing up, respect and love our moms and dads who were quick to apologize and not afraid to say no. Kids grow up. They’ll get it, eventually.

Time will be the great eye opener. My kids will see clearly how much I have adored them, do adore them. They will understand that love doesn’t die. Expressions of it might differ, but it’s not going anywhere. Love is, was, and always will be.

The Memory

he held it in his hands a box a
present like nothing he ever
saw before the packaging was
different translucent radiant
he wasn’t sure how to handle it
what was the best way to open
it what to do with it he set it
down and  pondered  it no
letter no tag no idea who it
was from for a split second
a  frown flitted across his face
couldn’t be too long ago he
grabbed the satin bow and yanked
it entwined about his fingers
a seam in the mysterious glowing
paper he tore into it impatient
hands parted crumpled tissue
a gasp sheer surprise when he saw
what lay amidst the disarray he
lowered his head in his hands and
he cried

Pamela A. Rossow

Buon Natale

Dear Friends,

It’s Christmas.  For some of us, we are experiencing hardship and loss (or remembering our losses and hurting because of them).  Some of us have felt the holes deeply other years and this year is more joyful.  Some of us will be separated from those we love on this holiday.  This day and celebration is for all of us, regardless, of where life’s tide has carried us.  Whether we are sad, happy, alone, struggling to believe, in a sandy desert or together with loved ones and friends.  So, here’s to all of us.  I’m grateful to be seeing my niece and nephew tonight and tomorrow afternoon.  They are my “hole pluggers” at times when I miss my children.  There will be food, family, and love.  There will even be some of the magic that has escaped me thus far this season.  Carrots for reindeer, cookies and milk for Santa, and the same request I have repeated for years, an elf please?  May peace, joy, and love be showered upon all of you.

Love,

Pamela

Butterweed

she stood a child amidst
waving grasses a cupped
butterweed flower in her
hands slowly she closed
her eyes letting the
azure mist of the skies
drench her soul gently
she began to pluck each
petal a flaxen butterfly
fluttering to the ground
descending in a graceful
dance he loves me he
loves me not he loves
me he loves me. . .
she paused eyes
closed

Pamela A. Rossow

Letter of Marque


You stand gripping your
letter of marque yellowed

waving Congress stamped
close to me too near me.  Your
mahogany eyes telling me you have the
right to take from me what is mine
what was mine. 

Only papers are
needed legitimate piracy you
utter legs planted arms crossed
gaze firm unwavering
close to me too near me.   The
plank shudders.   Diverted eyes I
raise. 

How am I to get back what
you stole from me?  The beating
pulsing piece of me that pumps
crimson through my channels and
life through my waterways?  A split
second your tawny eyes flicker.  Concern or
pity? I cannot tell.   

 Your stance remains
unreadable.  Emboldened I ask once
more.  The plank bounces.  How am I to
get back what you stole from me?  You stand
close to me too near me.  You
stare silently into my
sunglow eyes.  

 ~Pamela 

WARNING! Artwork in Progress!!!

This is one of those raw, emotional posts that is cathartic in nature and also contemplative. Last week, I had a conversation with one of my heroines. This particular heroine was forced into the scorching, hellish furnace and made it out (thank-God). She more than survived. She is passionately living her life, is gentle with herself and her past choices, and is a living model of strength (for me and others). The talk, much needed, ended with me stating that I felt “like a mess.” She emphatically said, “No! You are not a mess! You are a work in progress!” 

Of course, her statement triggered a metaphor. I realized I am not a mess (or just messy). I am ARTwork in progress. Art, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, means a “skill acquired by experience, study, or observation.” Work (same dictionary) is an “activity in which one exerts strength or faculties to do or perform something.” Artwork, therefore, involves working at life (using our God-given faculties). In the process, we become art pieces. Messy, at first, as we flex our cores, our selves. Eventually, though, because we have acquired the skills necessary, not merely to survive but to succeed, we experience break throughs and can love our beings (even when our easels are splattered with paint and our canvases look like disasters).

Fears and insecurities can crumble and become the concrete mix we need to build strong “me’s” and “we’s” (if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable). It doesn’t mean we are going to always feel unfaltering or resolute or certain. It does stand to reason we are not going to accept fears or failures without some WWF action (and the days we are unable to get in the ring, we call our life-lines who will splash some water on our faces and bandage our cuts).

So, life, this week I can say, “bring it” (and mean it). I am not afraid (at the moment). When I do feel guarded or hesitant (life will guarantee this), I will try and remember my truth. Although I am still a  “mess” (at times), I will recognize that life can instigate the messiness. But I am a piece of art in the making. Life, step off. Because when the product is finished, I will be more formidable, loving, and self-compassionate (beautiful, too).

Special Relativity

you in the North Pole
I in the South charged
particles moving in and
out velocity dependent
dipoles connected creating
force and special relations
mixtures of interlocking
electricity + magnetism
F=q(v+B) no monopoles
here just quantum-mechanical
phenomena magnetic flux
and possible permeability

Pamela A. Rossow

Evolution

I sat up all night waiting for
you-
somewhere between one
billion to ten billion years.

 
You-
a red supergiant with your
tightly bound, iron nuclei,
dense stellar winds,
contracting core.

 
I sat up all night waiting for
you-
somewhere between one
billion to ten billion years.

 
You-
and your increased surface
temperature smoldering
within me, your fused elements
consuming my energy.

 
I sat up all night waiting for
you-
somewhere between one
billion to ten billion years.

 
You-
and your shockwave, instead, you
collapsed from within exploding into a
supernova flashing bright then
fading into blackness.

 
I sat up all night waiting for
you-
somewhere between one
billion to ten billion years.

 
You-
and your magnetic field a
dynamo, yet, your stellar flares
dimmed, your rotation slowed, your
luminosity fluxed, and I slept.

© Pamela A. Rossow

Palmolive Days

Palmolive days spent
reminiscing amidst
sudsy yellow bubbles
lemony scent wafting
childhood into adulthood as
sunshine tiles gleam under
bare feet the view from my
Nonnie’s white porcelain sink
blue green some days a misty
gray always beautiful salty
grainy life a tea cup
awaiting the faucet a saucer
sunken anticipating the
sponge immersed in citrus to
cleanse away  grime

Pamela A. Rossow

Tattoos

 

That’s how I roll
Home. Spoon-
ing cream of chicken over
Sweet Toma-
toes barefoot. Fort
Piercing castle
walls.
Sun rise, Ray-
Bans liver and peas.  On-
line bank account
and letters
stamped upside
down, side-
ways to the right.
Jetta course marking
miles, yesterday-
today, tomorrow.
Dolphins, salty air, c-
weed.  Moon rise, life guard
stand or love’s
seat.
Pamelarossow@yahoo.com
peppered with
772. Dork in sun
dress whacking golf
balls steering
cart off
course.
July Bourne-nursing
Qatar, Albuquerque,
Afghanistan.
NM anchoring hot
air balloon fire
works to one boy’s
soul.
Boxers smiling high
and tight.
Sweetest
Thing making
fajitas singing-
country, cabins in
fall.
Hawaiian Tropical
nights, crimson
roses, Ferrero
Roche making It’s
A Wonderful Life.  Lime
wiring me to rolled tooth
paste tubes.
Gargettos far from
Bland-
ing spicing up summer
heat, igniting
passion, burning remember-
ances, blue and
black.

~Pamela Rossow

Dear Children,

Dear Children,

You are precious to me. I loved you before you were born. I prayed and asked God for you. From the time the little blue lines matched on the pregnancy tests, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait to begin the journey of motherhood.

It’s been quite a trip. From feeling you both kick inside of me, to laboring to bring you into this world, to holding you for the first time, to  knowing that you were a physical extension of me, I have appreciated every moment. I have watched you grow into a young man and a young woman who have made me proud over and over again. I am fully aware what a blessing it is to call you son and daughter. The best vocation I have had (and ever will have) is being “Mom.”

Please listen carefully–I love you (up to heaven and back). I will always love you. No matter where life sends us, or how quickly time passes, I will treasure you. I will never give up on you. You will always be my children. I will always be your mom. Your fingerprints are permanently imprinted on my heart.

Love,

Mom

Good-byes

It’s been a week filled with losses and good-byes–some small, some huge, some manageable, some not so much.  It’s seems to be time for yet another (I’m horrible at them even after way too much practice). I’m even worse with unspoken ones–letters typed together to form words, words littering paper, scratchy substitutes for the ideal–verbalizations of endearment uttered to conscious, loved ones.

Dear Grandma,

This message is premature but I need to say it. Three minutes might be too late. I can’t stand to hear of your suffering (Dad is hurting also). Time’s hands are whirling faster and faster. While our relationship was not always pristine and when we were both much younger we said some things we regret, I have good memories–of hillside rock gardens, beautiful flowers and bulbs tucked lovingly into tiny crevices, of steep, spiraling steps leading down to a hidden vegetable garden, the heavy perfume of ripened tomatoes, your Hostas (I will grow them one day), the array of feathered friends that ate from Grandpa’s pulley rigged feeder, of brightly seeded strawberries with thick, heavy cream,  poppyseed cake (I knew they weren’t chocolate chips), of The Hill and a brown station wagon shifting gears, straining to make it to the top, audio books talking because of bright, blue eyes clouded by semi-blindness, the terrible towel that hung on your door, your love of The Game–black and gold, your political ideas (you bluntly informed me that mine were bunk), your feistiness and, often, uncensored belief systems you shared with me (or anyone else within earshot).

I will miss you. I am ungrateful for life’s sudden abruptness, preventing me from audibly mouthing the words (and having you know and understand). Yet, I speak and mean what I say. I love you. I’m sorry for life’s rudeness and pain. I hope that death brings comfort and Grandpa and light and freedom.

Love,

Pamela

 

How to Survive a Bombing

Bombs get dropped daily.  Some affect small surface areas, some impact large areas, some hit very near cores.

How to survive a bombing:

  1. Remain calm (easier said than done)
  2. Take cover under a sturdy object (like a neutral expression)
  3. Be prepared to evacuate (if the situation escalates)
  4. Remember there are still people who could want to do you harm (there are also people who don’t intentionally want to do you harm but harm you anyway)
  5. Stay away from anything that could implode on you (impossible when emotions are involved)
  6. Deal with the aftermath (whether you want to or not)

Remember that bombings often occur when you are least prepared and don’t expect them.  No matter what preparations you made beforehand, they will present with the element of surprise.  Don’t blame yourself.  There was nothing you could do to prevent them. Pick up the bloodied pieces and stitch yourself back together.  You will survive.

3 Things:

1.  Love needs fuel and oxiders.  Fuel provides heat.  Oxidizers supply oxygen.  If both elements are present daily,  3, 2, 1. . .

2.  to·mor·row   n.

  • The day following today.
  • The future.

(don’t wait for the defibrillator)

3.  Life= a two way mirror.  Reflects self and covert behavior.

Euphotic Zone

full frontal no sidelong
peep or half obscured
glance that strains my
eyes want you close
centered no mirrored
reflection or portrait on
the wall just a clear
view bold strong
blue my eyes
riveted won’t turn
away futile to resist
you finger my
soul call me I will
come and never
leave your salty embrace

         ©  Pamela A. Rossow