November 22, 2010
Dear Kohls, Target, Macy’s, Old Navy, Best Buy, Toys-Я-Us and any other major corporation open early on Thanksgiving:
Thank-you for the recent flyers I received in the mail. Although you might offer some super sales on specific products (if I arrive at your doors during the wee hours), I regret to inform you I will not be there. I have a previous engagement. One that involves a snuggly blanket and a leisurely breakfast (complete with steaming coffee). It’s not completely because I think you’re wrecking your employees’ Thanksgiving holiday by opening your doors at 3a.m. (although you are for many of them). It’s not totally because I think the holiday commercialism reflects America’s excess (because it does). It’s more because I think it’s absurd (yes, I am aware I am defying a major gender role with this statement). The title you gave the day after Thanksgiving is enough to deter me. You do not meet my needs at this time.