What Women Want

(This post is dedicated to the great Bald One since he is the master of rants)

A movie called What Women Want came out in 2000. You all remember, right? A comedy about a guy who was zapped by lightning and could get inside women’s heads? He could hear the internal, feminine dialogue of women everywhere which at first drove him crazy until he learned he could use it to his advantage. Like advance his career, land the woman he was interested in, and try to heal his relationship with his daughter. As we all know, that movie is in the genre of fiction.

While there are some men who have us figured out, many of you could use a bolt of lightning or a burning bush or a plane with a huge banner unfurling behind it that gives you step-by-step instructions on how to win over a woman.

Below is my top 5 of what women do not want followed by my top 5 what women do want. Yes, sometimes learning by negation is more effective!

My top 5 of what women do not want:

  1.  Do not feed us crumbs. Contrary to what you think, most of us like to eat and eat voraciously. If you can only provide communication “tidbits” (e.g. tech advances a couple times a year), we are not interested.
  2. Do not reveal your “size” in the hopes that we care.
  3. Do not keep us waiting and waiting and waiting only to never arrive after we have spent hours wondering (primping) and wondering (primping) and wondering (worrying) if you got in a car crash and are lying dead in the morgue.
  4. Do not have your next possible love interest lined up before you let us know it’s over.
  5. Do not give us the notion that you are willing to give us a second chance if you are a one strike you’re out kind of guy.

My top 5 of what women do want:

  1. Do feed us well by following through with ACTIONS (e.g. sincere phone calls, poetry, visits, CHOCOLATE, flowers, letters). Yeah, Hallmark Channel is inadvertently rubbing off on me. This is the food of romance.
  2. Do show us what your character is like (e.g. your ability to communicate well, your honesty, your faithfulness, etc.).
  3. Do pick up the phone if plans change. Manners don’t have an expiration date.
  4. Do be a man–tell us it’s over, THEN move on.
  5. Do admit if you can’t give us another chance to bat. Then leave us alone.

*Men, remember the Golden Rule*

For some of men, this list is as boring as they come. Therefore, feel free to add your insights in the comment section below (and kudos to you)! For many ladies out there and myself included, we will wait for our Mr. Darcys and in the meantime, live.

Love Letter Fest

Friends, welcome to my Valentine’s Event. A “Dear ?” love letter which you have written (whether sweet, sarcastic, or saucy) and will post your links below in the comment section so we all can have grieve, giggle, or gasp!  I will admit. When this idea jumped into my brain, I wasn’t daunted.  HOWEVER, as I sit here about to type my own letter, I’m overwhelmed, a tad bit intimidated, and wondering what on earth I was thinking when I started this.  Those of you who know me well are aware of my stubborn perseverance.  Hence, onward.  Enjoy and happy Valentine’s Day.  Not the commercialized hype but the everyday love we hold in our hearts.


Dear _______,

Many of you have directly or indirectly shaped me into the woman I am today.  I wouldn’t be Pamela without you.  Some of you have taken my heart down spiraling staircases into dank, dark basements where I suffered pain, wrenching hurt, abandonment.

A couple of you have led me through enchanted forests where rainbows arched overhead, the grass was soft, the castle walls had crumbled, and we loved as first loves.

Still others have taught me the foundation of love, how love isn’t based on emotions, how it demands action, requires being able to mouth or write two words (I’m sorry), and mean them.  That anger doesn’t necessarily reflect lack of love, although, at times, it may indicate lack of “like” (or sheer frustration).

Another has shown me that no matter how much I get angry, or question, or cry, or vent, He will remain faithful and, even more amazing, love me despite me.

All of the individuals who do not hesitate to pick up the phone to let me know they care, reach out with a card or letter, laugh with me, scream with me, or who hold me when I cry across the miles in a tight, virtual embrace.

Then there are the up close and personals who cling to me, climb me as if I am a tree, and hold on with little arms tightly clasped around my neck.  There are older ones who reach out when I least expect them to, grab my hands, sit close to me on the sofa, or hug me unexpectedly in passing.

There are those of you who have touched me so deeply that even though we are separated by this seemingly vast expanse of the other world you continue to move me, fill me, motivate me, cheer me on, and you are alive to me in my dreams, my memory, my soul.

There might be a person out there on this planet who could, through honest eyes, stir up flames in me once more.  Who, through sincerity, persistence, humor, character, empathy, gentleness, and time, has the capability to evoke in me passions which have yet to be completely drawn out.  He may exist. . .

In the meantime, I love and am so loved.  For all you, hole fillers, and you, hole makers, I thank-you.  It’s been real, raw, and, at times, raucous.  Even though, some days I harbor a few, wee regrets, I wouldn’t change any of it.  I have learned and will continue to learn.  My heart’s love journey (I hope) has, like my parent’s wedding song, “only just begun.”

All my love,

Pamela