Top o’ the morn (afternoon) to you! Although I am mostly Italian, the leprechauns visit us nearly every year. We forget to leave something green for them the night before and they punish our negligence by wreaking a wee bit of havoc. TPing our Christmas palms out front, strewing undergarments about, turning chairs upside down, leaving cabinet doors open, and, yes, even green pee in the toilet. A note usually accompanies the madness. This morning, however, was different from other St. Patty Day’s. My coffee pot was MIA along with my favorite mug. The little stinkers! I finally found my necessary items of addiction and was able to percolate a good, strong brew. Whether you are Irish or not, may you enjoy the mischievous teeny ones today and try to avoid their wiles!
May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Meter reader guy: “I inspected your service line and nothing’s been tampered with.”
Me: “Thank God, I was worried for a minute.”
Meter reader guy: “I went ahead with the maintenance and you should be good to go.”
Me: “What do I owe you?”
Meter reader guy: “Nothing. Says here you’ve paid in full.”
I am happy to announce (no, not that, what the heck were you thinking?) that my B.S. meter is fully operational. It is so sensitive that it picks up the slightest B.S. kilowatt. Then the small hand moves. Fortunately, I am not charged for B.S. read. I’d be in a hell of a lot of trouble. However, I am developing a portable, handheld system that may be purchased for a reasonable price for those of you whose meters are not working properly. I have many people to thank for my highly, specialized meter but I will reserve my accolades for another time and place (the B.S. Oscars 2011). In the mean time, you know who you are. I do, however, have my speech worked out.
Me (accepting my award): “Thank-you. I am so honored. I would like to thank my family and friends for supporting me during times of
high stress B.S. Next, I thank those red hands for spinning out of control and saving me from unnecessary naivety. I will treasure you always. For those of you who have fine tuned my meter because of the spoonfuls truckloads of B.S. you have dumped my way, my future appreciates it (bowing)!”
Little children (well, certain little children) have wonderful ways of reminding us (adults) how to behave. My kids were great at it. My niece and nephew are fantastic too. Children who are empathetic, honest, kind, and humorous make life, well, super! Many grown-ups should sign up for classes taught by these little people. Maybe, then, the big people would learn some positive modeling and socialization (and live with character). Here’s to you kids! Way to go and remind us how to act! You are the change in the world!
As children, we discovered a way of resolving everything– which friends we’d sit next to at lunch, who used the 8 ball first, who got the last piece of gum and who had to dial the phone and ask to speak to the cute boy we were obsessed with at the time. It was rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
As a mother, this method is still employed. In fact, it was just used to determine whose turn it was to get in the shower first. It’s incredible. Four hands and a decision. Bam!
I’m convinced therapists everywhere would recommend this for everyone. You and your spouse are arguing about whose turn it is to get up in the middle of the night with the baby–rock, paper, scissors. Kids fighting about whose turn it is to take out the trash? Rock, paper, scissors. Dems and Republicans debating economic solutions? Rock, paper, scissors.
Some people will be sore losers but, hey! Fair is fair, right? Try it and see if it doesn’t bring a little more calm into your life. Who knows? World peace? Less nukes? More love?