Category Archives: Humor

In a Relationship to It’s Complicated

It dawned on me today that it’s been a long while since I’ve gone from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated.” Time for a Facebook update.

Maybe you know what I’m talking about–the frustrating hours and time spent communicating  talking with someone only to realize that he or she just doesn’t get it (apparently, they never will).

Could be that your personal investment in the one sided relationship fling and the cold awareness that the other person doesn’t care as strongly about you as you do for him (or her) becomes your final wake-up call.

Whatever the deciding factor is that tips your relationship to “it’s complicated” and a looming break-up, know that you’re not alone. There are hundreds of thousands of us who know what you’re going through with Comcast and we’re here for you.

B.S. Meter

Meter reader guy:  “I inspected your service line and nothing’s been tampered with.”

Me:   “Thank God, I was worried for a minute.”

Meter reader guy:  “I went ahead with the maintenance and you should be good to go.”

Me:  “What do I owe you?”

Meter reader guy:  “Nothing.  Says here you’ve paid in full.”

Me:  “Awesome!”

I am happy to announce (no, not that, what the heck were you thinking?) that my B.S. meter is fully operational.  It is so sensitive that it picks up the slightest B.S. kilowatt.  Then the small hand moves.  Fortunately, I am not charged for B.S. read.  I’d be in a hell of a lot of trouble.  However, I am developing a portable, handheld system that may be purchased for a reasonable price for those of you whose meters are not working properly.  I have many people to thank for my highly, specialized meter but I will reserve my accolades for another time and place (the B.S. Oscars 2011).  In the mean time, you know who you are.  I do, however, have my speech worked out.

Me (accepting my award):  “Thank-you.  I am so honored.  I would like to thank my family and friends for supporting me during times of high stress  B.S.  Next, I thank those red hands for spinning out of control and saving me from unnecessary naivety. I will treasure you always.  For those of you who have fine tuned my meter because of the spoonfuls truckloads of B.S. you have dumped my way, my future appreciates it (bowing)!”

Humor Me Monday

Wow! A post on Monday the intended day!  Fabulous!

  • My niece and nephew were spending the night over the weekend.  My nephew wanted to sleep in my son’s room (my children were time-sharing with their dad) and my niece was thrilled to sleep in my daughter’s room.  They both ran into the bedrooms.  Nothing but silence from my daughter’s room as my niece headed straight to the dollhouse.  Suddenly, I heard “booooooooooo” streaming from my son’s room.  I walked in and my nephew was lying on his back on the floor staring at my son’s bulletin board.  I glanced over and saw the large, signed poster of the Florida Panther’s ice dancers (with their exposed abs, short shorts, and laser whitened teeth).  “Do you want me to take that down for you?” I asked.  The kid is only 7 yrs. old!  “Yes!”  he replied with another long “booooooo.”  I promptly removed the push pins and placed it out of sight.  The sweet innocence and wit of little ones!

Humor Me Monday

This past week, a couple of cute incidents occurred involving my niece and nephew.  Aside from the Jedi training questions from a couple blogs ago (which were quite serious you know), others things made me laugh (or suppress laughs):

  • Christmas Eve, my nephew and I were discussing elves at the dinner table.  I told David and Emmie how I asked Santa (every year from the time I was a kid) for an elf.  The elf conversation quickly changed to a discussion about boyfriends and girlfriends (don’t ask how). My niece blurted out, “But I already know who I’m going to marry, Aaron!”  I explained to her that it was sweet since he was a nice boy (they’re in kindergarten) but she’d have to date him when she was old enough (college age, ha-ha). Then, I told her how she’d need to see if he treats her well like opening the car door for her, calls her when he says he will, makes sure he is kind, caring, and doesn’t tell lies etc.

Suddenly, my nephew turned to me and said, “Auntie, you can’t have a leprechaun for a boyfriend because they’re sneaky and they steal!”

“What?” I asked trying not to laugh.  He smirked at me and repeated his statement.  I assured him I would not and he seemed relieved.  Lol.

  • (Christmas evening.  My niece looked exhausted.  My mom asked her if she slept Christmas Eve.)

“Not at all,” Emmie replied.  “I heard Santa open the front door at midnight.  Then he put the magic, yellow dust on me and it makes me dizzy.  Then it stops and I still remember.”

“Remember what?” I asked.

“You know Auntie.  That I saw him.”

“He probably needs to use more dust for you then,” I said.

“Yeah, I guess so.  That’s why I’m so tired.  The dust didn’t work. I was up all night!”

(If you could have seen her convincing, little face and gestures as she explained it, even better.)

Life is never dull with little ones around and they are a continuous stream of humor.  I’m so grateful to be an auntie and a mom!  Till next Monday. . .