B.S. Meter

Meter reader guy:  “I inspected your service line and nothing’s been tampered with.”

Me:   “Thank God, I was worried for a minute.”

Meter reader guy:  “I went ahead with the maintenance and you should be good to go.”

Me:  “What do I owe you?”

Meter reader guy:  “Nothing.  Says here you’ve paid in full.”

Me:  “Awesome!”

I am happy to announce (no, not that, what the heck were you thinking?) that my B.S. meter is fully operational.  It is so sensitive that it picks up the slightest B.S. kilowatt.  Then the small hand moves.  Fortunately, I am not charged for B.S. read.  I’d be in a hell of a lot of trouble.  However, I am developing a portable, handheld system that may be purchased for a reasonable price for those of you whose meters are not working properly.  I have many people to thank for my highly, specialized meter but I will reserve my accolades for another time and place (the B.S. Oscars 2011).  In the mean time, you know who you are.  I do, however, have my speech worked out.

Me (accepting my award):  “Thank-you.  I am so honored.  I would like to thank my family and friends for supporting me during times of high stress  B.S.  Next, I thank those red hands for spinning out of control and saving me from unnecessary naivety. I will treasure you always.  For those of you who have fine tuned my meter because of the spoonfuls truckloads of B.S. you have dumped my way, my future appreciates it (bowing)!”


28 thoughts on “B.S. Meter”

  1. LOL. I was too busy trying to keep my old rickety BS meter com exploding to come read this sooner. I look forward to the release of your new and improved version.

  2. How did you know what I was thinking? It’s not like it was the cable guy or something… *cue Big Lebowski line*

    BS meters are in short supply, because there’s always a run on them. A hand-held model would be very handy! (God, sorry for that pun).

    How much are they?

    1. Ha-ha 🙂 You’re a poet!!!!!!! I’m working out the details. . .will keep you posted. Want you to be able to order one late at night during an infomercial with the ability to get it in your home for a free trial! 😉

    1. Awh, Mary but it’s true! Glad you liked it! Life is too stressful and we need to laugh!!!!! I must get working on this hand held meter right after this book is written 🙂

  3. I think as a worldly woman as well as a wordy woman, your BS meter is awesome – now if only I could get mine to function. When my boss tells me its doing my career good – somehow it seems to go on the bleep………..

    1. Lol, hmmm. . .while I can’t relate I’m sure alcohol could impede the effectiveness of the meter. As to the sleep, no matter how tired I am mine functions perfectly 😉

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