In talking with a couple of female friends recently, the subject of what a woman wants in a man came up again. I know I already blogged about it but there was something so basic, so fundamental, that I overlooked it at the time. I was more focused on what women want (and don’t want) in terms of character and communication. This trait, while it may be deemed part of a man’s character, is subtle, yet, a bonus for men who fulfill this need for their female, loved ones. It’s simply being a “protector.” While I’m not sure (for all women) this male role is important, for enough women I know (myself included), it’s up there in our top three. This does fly in the face of many women who like to think they (okay, we) are self-sufficient and not as needy as other females but, the reality is, it is a huge way to have love expressed by a man.
I’m not talking just in a physical sense (although that aspect can be a part of it). It’s a bonus, if the man we fall in love with, is taller than us, stronger than us, makes us “feel” safe just by being near him. If we were walking down a dark street and someone tried to jump us, we’d like to know that the man we were with would protect us to the best of his ability. Some of us, ladies, have been on the flip side. Like, when a man possesses physical characteristics we label as “protective,” and he doesn’t make us feel secure. Some of us have been in a relationship where a man may have knowledge of martial arts or is muscular, yet, we have not felt the least bit safe. We just want to know, if a situation arises in which we find ourselves vulnerable to danger, that our “protector” is looking out for us. Of course, this is not to say that women shouldn’t learn self-defense and other methods of protecting themselves. It’s just that we adore men who make us feel as if we are a priority and precious to them!
Women take this even further and apply the idea of “protector” to emotions, too. Many of us have a core desire to feel intimately “protected” in a relationship (i.e. to be able to express emotions like anger, sadness, or disappointment) and not experience rejection by a man. We need to know, even though we have strong feelings (and, at times, they might be passionately displayed,) that we will not be abandoned, disregarded, or shut out. I will not speak for men (since I am convinced I know little about them and their emotional wants or needs) but I suspect that many would like the same in their relationships with their female counterparts. So, long-winded story short, just another blurb into what women want. Women might be from Venus and men from Mars (or some other planet yet to be identified) but we all have the ability (if we choose) to find out what’s important to the other sex (it goes both ways, ladies).
Yes, I know, it’s usually a smooth jazz Sunday (and maybe it will evolve into one later). For now, it’s more like U2 retro. There’s not a U2 song I can think of that I don’t like but their early years rock my world: socio-political messages, great music, and more. I remember when the movie Rattle and Hum came out and my BFF AKA Mel and I went to see it (at least twice). We were THRILLED to see Larry on the big screen (still mildly obsessed). Anyway, I digress. Kick your feet up and relax (or don’t). In any case, enjoy!
Words. We know them and use them. While some of us might have a better grasp on manipulating them, nearly all of us select language bites to express emotions or beliefs. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of words is:
1a : something that is said b plural (1) : talk, discourse
2a (1) : a speech sound or series of speech sounds that symbolizes and communicates a meaning usually without being divisible into smaller units capable of independent use
Language and words are symbols. They point to things beyond themselves. They represent something (whatever it is we are attempting to convey). Again, the Merriam Webster dictionary states that to represent means:
1.to bring clearly before the mind : present <a book which represents the character of early America>
2: to serve as a sign or symbol of <the flag represents our country>
We, as humans, have the power to pick the words we want to utilize (we are kind of like super heroes with special powers). In the selection process, the words we choose either authenticate feelings and ideologies or mask them (in the latter, subverting those neutral words into falsehoods).
Today, how are we going to use words to represent what is real, true, authentic, right? How are we going to use our language powers for good and not evil? Most of us are aware of the damage and aftershocks that poorly chosen words affect. Again, I ask, how are we going to authenticate ourselves and build up others by using the gift of language to communicate empathy, kindness, and love towards others? What are we going to do to slam the door in the face of those words that harm others? That 3, 2, 1. . .detonate leaving behind a wake of destruction? We can do it (if our brains are functioning properly and we exhibit a fundamental capacity for language). The question is, will we represent?
Okay, you all decide. After visiting Charlie over at his blog and reading his post entitled Liar Liar Pants On Fire, I have a proposition for you (no, not that). I will have a poll attached to this post. Please take the extra 15 seconds to vote. Thank-you. Charlie’s post talked about lies. . .the white lies people tell when planning a surprise party, more lies when turning someone down who’s asked you out, etc. The basic gist (if I am interpreting it correctly) is that everyone lies and this lying is sort of inevitable. Of course, at the end of his post, he encourages us to think twice about the lying we sometimes engage in and to address the lies some of us tell ourselves because they can be damaging.
I started thinking (yeah, watch out) that myself (along with my BFF’s) have little or no patience for lying (unless of course someone is throwing us a surprise party ). When it comes to relationships (romantic, platonic, whatever), I just don’t have the patience for lies whether little or big. I’d rather skip the B.S. and get down to the nitty gritty. If you like my eyes, say it and mean it. If you don’t, there’s no need to lie and say you do. Compliment me on something you are sincere about. If there’s no chemistry, I’m going to tell you. I won’t be cruel about it but I’m not going to lie. If I get asked out by a sixty-plus year old man (yes, it’s happened), I’m not going to reply, “I already have a boyfriend” or “I’m busy” etc. I’m going to respond with, “I’m not interested” and mean it!
I am realizing more and more that my dislike for lies and what I interpret as game playing stuffs me into a wee little container along with the few others who feel the same way. But, hey! I’m not in my teens anymore, I was married for nearly twelve years, and if I’m going to be in a relationship I want nothing less than complete honesty! Am I being too honest in this post? Maybe so, but you do know this is my blog . If my beliefs cause me to check the “single” box for the rest of my life, so be it. I will never settle for a man who lies (whether in the white, gray, black, purple areas) again. I still think that a person (not gender specific) who lies to themselves and others about small issues exhibits a predisposition to lie about the big stuff, the important stuff (lying to oneself can be pretty bad). Okay *stepping down off of soap box* I’m done. But what do YOU think about lying? Good sometimes? Bad all the time? Don’t really care? Remember, the poll!
(This post is dedicated to the great Bald One since he is the master of rants)
A movie called What Women Want came out in 2000. You all remember, right? A comedy about a guy who was zapped by lightning and could get inside women’s heads? He could hear the internal, feminine dialogue of women everywhere which at first drove him crazy until he learned he could use it to his advantage. Like advance his career, land the woman he was interested in, and try to heal his relationship with his daughter. As we all know, that movie is in the genre of fiction.
While there are some men who have us figured out, many of you could use a bolt of lightning or a burning bush or a plane with a huge banner unfurling behind it that gives you step-by-step instructions on how to win over a woman.
Below is my top 5 of what women do not want followed by my top 5 what women do want. Yes, sometimes learning by negation is more effective!
My top 5 of what women do not want:
- Do not feed us crumbs. Contrary to what you think, most of us like to eat and eat voraciously. If you can only provide communication “tidbits” (e.g. tech advances a couple times a year), we are not interested.
- Do not reveal your “size” in the hopes that we care.
- Do not keep us waiting and waiting and waiting only to never arrive after we have spent hours wondering (primping) and wondering (primping) and wondering (worrying) if you got in a car crash and are lying dead in the morgue.
- Do not have your next possible love interest lined up before you let us know it’s over.
- Do not give us the notion that you are willing to give us a second chance if you are a one strike you’re out kind of guy.
My top 5 of what women do want:
- Do feed us well by following through with ACTIONS (e.g. sincere phone calls, poetry, visits, CHOCOLATE, flowers, letters). Yeah, Hallmark Channel is inadvertently rubbing off on me. This is the food of romance.
- Do show us what your character is like (e.g. your ability to communicate well, your honesty, your faithfulness, etc.).
- Do pick up the phone if plans change. Manners don’t have an expiration date.
- Do be a man–tell us it’s over, THEN move on.
- Do admit if you can’t give us another chance to bat. Then leave us alone.
*Men, remember the Golden Rule*
For some of men, this list is as boring as they come. Therefore, feel free to add your insights in the comment section below (and kudos to you)! For many ladies out there and myself included, we will wait for our Mr. Darcys and in the meantime, live.
your first ancestors
had geographic ridges
once slashed gaping open
crimson that mouthed
“wade in the water chillan”
you called people
responded the blues
bent in depressed
trances third fifth and
seventh like pancakes
flattened by a spatula
you ragged people
shagged under red
lights to a syncopated
rhythm AABBACCC no
more cakewalks just sexy
marches and falling Maple Leaves
© Pamela A. Rossow
I have a penchant for love letters written during a certain time period (long ago). I thought it would be fun to compare a letter from the past written by a famous poet to what allegedly could be considered a modern-day expression of luv by some (strong emphasis on allegedly).
August 1, 1810
Oh My William! It is not in my power to tell thee how I have been affected by this dearest of all letters – it was so unexpected – so new a thing to see the breathing of thy inmost heart upon paper that I was quite overpowered, & now that I sit down to answer thee in the loneliness & depth of that love which unites us & which cannot be felt but by ourselves, I am so agitated & my eyes are so bedimmed that I scarcely know how to proceed…
Written by Mary Wordsworth to her husband William Wordsworth. William, of course, is a well known English Poet. (http://www.theromantic.com/LoveLetters/wordsworth.htm)
April 3, 2011
baby ur so hott ur 1 hot mess an i saw ur photo and im so sh&* faced rght now but u r so hott i had to txt u ur so sexy an im in luv so we shld hook up cum on an chat wats ur live messenger im email@example.com i rlly want 2 c u so im me, k this is so nt a booty txt ur way more thn tht i jus wanna talk an tell u how hot u r im @ the comp waitn 4 u 2 im me k ur turnin me on so hit me up