What Women Want 2

In talking with a couple of female friends recently, the subject of what a woman wants in a man came up again. I know I already blogged about it but there was something so basic, so fundamental, that I overlooked it at the time. I was more focused on what women want (and don’t want) in terms of character and communication. This trait of expressing, while it may be deemed part of a man’s character, is subtle, yet, a bonus for men who fulfill this need for their female, loved ones. It’s part of being a “protector.”

While I’m not sure (for all women) this male role is important, for enough women I know (myself included), it’s up there in our top three.  This does fly in the face of many women who like to think they (okay, we) are self-sufficient and not as needy as other females but, the reality is, it is a huge way to have love expressed by a man.

I’m not talking just in a physical sense (although that aspect can be a part of it). It’s a bonus, if the man we fall in love with, is taller than us, stronger than us, makes us “feel” safe just by being near him. If we were walking down a dark street and someone tried to jump us, we’d like to know that the man we were with would protect us to the best of his ability.

Some of us, ladies, have been on the flip side like when a man possesses physical characteristics we label as “protective,” and he doesn’t make us feel secure. Some of us have been in a relationship where a man may have knowledge of martial arts or is muscular, yet, we have not felt the least bit safe.

We just want to know, if a situation arises in which we find ourselves vulnerable to danger, that our “protector” is looking out for us. Of course, this is not to say that women shouldn’t learn self-defense and other methods of protecting themselves. It’s just that we adore men who make us feel as if we are a priority and precious to them!

Women take this even further and apply the idea of “protector” to emotions, too. Many of us have a core desire to feel intimately “protected” in a relationship (i.e. to be able to express emotions like anger, sadness, or disappointment) and not experience rejection by a man. We need to know, even though we have strong feelings (and, at times, they might be passionately displayed,) that we will not be abandoned, disregarded, or shut out.

I will not speak for men (since I am convinced I know little about them and their emotional wants or needs) but I suspect that many would like the same in their relationships with their female counterparts. So, long-winded story short, just another blurb into what women want.  Women might be from Venus and men from Mars (or some other planet yet to be identified) but we all have the ability (if we  choose) to find out what’s important to the other sex (it goes both ways, ladies).

24 thoughts on “What Women Want 2

    • Yes, it does. “Open” meaning both people are actively listening and communicating :-). For some reason, I had a NYC street in my head as I typed that. Of course, we had a serial killer at the local mall so I should have said a brightly lit store! Ha-ha, it’s true. You don’t most of the time! :-)

  1. I asked my BF on our first date what he’s looking for in a relationship and he said, “A soft place to land.” Maybe this is what you mean by wanting to be emotionally protected? For myself, I didn’t go out looking for a bad-ass black man to protect me but now that I’ve got one I’m hooked ;-)

    I commend you for speaking from the heart on this issue in spite of possible feminist fall-out — haha! Feminism is sometimes overrated …

    • Awh, yes!!!!! Hah–good for you :-). You got the best of both!
      Thanks, they don’t intimidate me. Wait, I kind of considered myself one to some degree so maybe that’s why ;-).

  2. It seems rather strange how often you ladies talk with each other about men. I have been referred to as ‘the Gentle Giant’, sensitive and caring, but strong and imposing. Will just have to regard myself as the White Knight Protector

    • You, men, give us too much to talk about ;-). But don’t flatter yourselves. We don’t talk about you all of the time! Yes, I knight you White Knight Protector :-)

  3. Oh Pamela, this is so beautifully expressed…I wish I have more adjectives to describe your works though, :P…

    It doesn’t take a woman to be married to know this…women know what they want. And I agree, that we want to be ‘emotionally protected’ too…

    I wish someone from the other side would post a similar write up…hahaha…it would be fun to have a sort of a conversational write ups ;)…

    love love your post :)…am getting to know you better through your blog :) Thanks.

    • Melissa,
      You’re too sweet! You’re right. We don’t have to be married to know what we want and don’t want. Time and meeting different people helps with the process ;-).
      It would be nice to hear from “Mars” ha-ha. It could be helpful!
      Thanks so much for stopping by!
      xoxo

  4. As a woman who lives alone, I check my front door about 4 times every night to make sure its locked and sleep with a cell phone, flash light and can of hair spray on my night stand just in case an intruder comes into the house in the middle of the night! I hear you on the protector. And there is nothing better than being with someone around whom we can fly our own crazy flag.

    • Maureen, thanks for sharing! I know all about sleeping with the cell phone next to me and having a huge flashlight/impromptu weapon next to the bed! Lol! xo

  5. I think for me family comes first over myself so in any case where i see them in danger i will act.
    The only thing i was concerned about in this is that you mentioned the man to be taller. I’m only 5’8 so that leaves a lot of women i cannot date. :( LOL

    A

    • It’s obvious, A! You seem like that type of guy. You don’t have to worry about dating at the moment, sir. As long as you’re not 5’6 you’re alright :-). Lol.
      P

  6. Pamela, considering I learned at an early age that I needed to learn to protect myself and not count on anyone else, that was not a feature I looked at in men. There wasn’t a lot of trust there regarding protection.
    After getting married it took several years for me to learn to trust and count on someone again. He became frustrated because he felt it was his duty to protect me and keep me safe. I, on the other hand, felt I didn’t need a man to protect me, I was quite capable of doing that on my own. Slowly, over time and open communication he began to understand where I was coming from and I began to open up and trust again. I know that if needed, that is a feature that is truly within my husband’s capabilities…I just need to say the word :)

    • Awh, Anna well you have a sweet, understanding, AND protective hubby! Yay! I have a dad who modeled “safety” for me from the time I was a little girl so I thought it was a normal part of men’s make-up. I learned (after a long-term relationship) that this wasn’t the case and I got tired of always being the one to be “protector” for myself and my children. I was fortunate enough to date someone for a while who I felt “safe” with and he showed me that I could have that sense of security I missed for so long. I didn’t appreciate him like I do now in hindsight (too fresh from the divorce and I wasn’t ready for a man like him at that time) but once I’ve experienced “safety” I’m not willing to settle for less. Love you Anna! xoxoxo

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